One of my favorite bands during high school was the Christian ska/rock band, The Orange County Supertones. My least favorite song on any of their albums was an instrumental track called “Caught Inside.” I hated it because it had no words, no message, and nothing I could relate to. I almost always skipped that track.
Fifteen years later, I finally get it. They had a message, but their words were caught inside them, unable to escape, and even though they couldn’t articulate, they couldn’t stay silent. So they just played music.
In contrast to previous years when I’ve been more prolific with my writing, I’ve spent much of 2015 without words. But I haven’t been without feeling, without a message, without something to say. I just haven’t known how to say it.
I don’t have eloquent words for any of this, but the major themes I’ve been grappling with are:
- The end of a long-term relationship, and eventually that friendship
- Burnout from a hobby I used to love, and what new hobby may replace it
- Spending my time on things that actually matter in the world, and what that might look like
- Building a new relationship and the range of emotions accompany it
- The evil in the world that strengthens by the day and what are the best ways to counter it
- Accidental Saints: Finding God in all the Wrong People by Nadia Bolz-Weber
- Missing family and friends who I’ve been too busy to see for far too long
- The pain and burdens that dear friends bear
The words are brewing. They may still be caught inside, but they’ll escape eventually.